(OMG omg) X ∞

I bumped into a previous housemate at university today. I noticed that she was so SOOOooooOoo thrilled to see me (usually I don’t get those kinda reactions unless one is totally plastered and stoned), which was odd. Instead of the “Hi, how are you going, how is uni, where are you living now, what have you been doing”, she asked me a totally unexpected question.

“Hey, did you make a police report recently?”

I was baffled. You should have seen my stoned, wide-eyed and confused face when I stared back at her. I was totally not expecting that kind of a question. I don’t remember making a police report of any kind, nor do I remember breaking any laws, well, none that I know of anyway. She looked back at me, looking puzzled when I didn’t reply. Still looking puzzled, she continued

“Oh, looks like you’ve no idea what I’m talking about do you? The coppers came by the house the other day looking for you.”

*Fark, what did I do that would make the coppers drop by my last place of stay? I shivered, this doesn’t sound good at all.*

“Oh no worries, they were just looking for you because they found your PASSPORT!”

MY PASSPORT?!?!

Omg, I was totally shocked and lost for words. I definitely didn’t make any report, and to my knowledge, I don’t even remember losing my passport in the first place. Shit, this is bad. I didn’t even REALISE that my passport was missing.

My friend assured me that everything is fine, no need to panic, the passport is in the safe hands of the police. Great, just great. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that my passport is safe in the hands of the law, but but… how did I lose my passport in the first place is beyond me. Losing it isn’t the problem, but not even realising it? Come on, I should be hanged! Burnt at the stake! Stripped or even stoned to death! Or circumcised even, oh wait, already done that. =)

But gosh, I feel so retarded. Now I’ve got to take the walk of shame, there is definitely going to be a helluva lot of hassle in explaining myself when I get to the station in the city, because that is where the passport is at at the moment. What am I going to say? I had lost my passport but hadn’t realised it until you coppers came looking for me? This is the pits I tell you. I feel so ashamed and stupid right now. Leave me be. I want to crouch into the little corner of my room and just die. I should probably cover my head with a paper bag when I go to collect the damn thing.

……………………………….. What am I saying? It is not the end of the world! It is not like I lost my virginity, again. I only found my passport, no biggie (I can’t say I lost it because, well, I didn’t really lose it in the first place, or rather hadn’t realised that it was missing till the coppers came looking, and said that they’ve found it, somewhere, and was looking for me so that I could pick it up, so in actual fact it sounds more like I’ve actually found my passport because the found was realised even before I knew I had lost it …. Shit, I’m not making any sense). I’m probably trying to console myself for my lack of responsibility. In any case, everything is good.