Sometimes, you need to be cruel

The phone rings, I read the caller-ID, and I decide to let it keep on ringing. I admit, I can be a coward sometimes, I choose to avoid confrontation. When it comes to relationships, one can never please everyone. If you don't want to read about me whinge, I would advice you to stop reading now. I am just going write about whatever is on my mind right now. I keep beating myself up over small and measly things. I'm getting tired of it already. I just want to rant, and let it all out.

I have an annoyance in my life right now. She lives a couple of doors away, which is a scary thought. Its not that she is a bad person or anything, in fact, she is a really really nice person. Why am I being such a bastard then? Plain and simple, there is nothing coming from my end. I don't feel the attraction, and this has been the case often enough, which I personally think, is kinda scary. Am I that heartless? If only we're born built with a built-in 'on-off' switch which we can use whenever it conveniences us. She likes me? But there is nothing coming from my end? No worries, I'll just switch on the 'like-back' switch. Everything works out, everybody is happy. but am I? I've learnt to build this brick wall around me for years now. Yes, I'm no stranger to this situation before. I have had a couple before, and I'm not being smuck or happy about it, in fact, the total opposite. I feel like absolute shit because I'm causing someone else pain, and it totally smashes my conscience.

Second call comes after a few hours. I'm on my bed, reading a book. Same caller, second time, no excuses now. I pick up the phone. I say hi, wish her a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I put on my game face, I try to act cool, but in actual fact, I'm absolutely terrified. She returns the greeting, then gets straight tp the point. Her computer is acting weird she claims. There is something wrong with her DOS-system, and it is effecting her whole computer. She asks if I knew what the problem is. I have no idea. I admit to her that I'm not very useful when it comes to these technical things. I swear I'm not. That is why I use IBM. They have a terrific recovery system fitted into their laptops. If something happens, just hit the 'recover button'. Everything reverts back to first-time use. No worries. No re-installing, no CDs, no hassle. Just remember to back up your important files into an external storage before you do. Okay, I'm straying away from the main topic here. She asks me to come over to have a look. Shit. I knew it was coming, she had already made other attempts to get me over, a swim at her pool a few weeks ago, to which I politely declined. An attempt to get me to go over for drinks and maybe go to a club after, again, another lame excuse to avoid it. Now she is asking me to come over to help fix her computer. I say that I have no idea when it comes to these things, I offer that she get someone who is more experienced, or maybe someone who knows more. A pause, and then I note a hint of disappointment in the tone of her voice. Dammit, a stab to the chest there. I said sorry ( I actually meant it), and tried to change the subject. I asked her of her plans for the new years. Before she could answer, I say that I'm going to the city with friends to watch the fireworks and go out for a night of drinking and partying. What was said after that, I can't recall. I don't even remember what she said that she was going to be doing. I remember wishing her a happy new years, and saying goodbye. I again note the hint of disappointment and sadness in her voice when she wished me back.

I now feel absolutely shit at the moment. I feel like an arsehole, a bastard. I hate this feeling. I really want to start all over again. But who am I kidding? It won't change, it will always be a one way emotion. My heart is numb, it has no feeling. Why are you still persistent? Does it pay to be cruel at times? I need advice.

Patience

Christmas this year was different. My first time celebrating it without me mum, brother and sister. It was, daunting in a way. So I spent Christmas eve with relatives, and Christmas day with my aunt and some of her close friends who invited us over to their house for lunch and dinner. My first Christmas, Italian style. The food was fantastic by the way.

It is Boxing Day now. I decided to stay home, recouperate, clean my room, box some of my things. Once the new year starts, I'd be back to work, 6 days a week. Did I mention that I am currently looking for a new place to stay? Yes, I'm looking, again. This time I will be looking for a place to rent with a friend. Someone I know, someone that I can relate to. A bloke who speaks English, at least.

There are loads of things on my 'to do list' at the moment.
1. Book my ticket home (I procrastinate)
2. Find a new place to rent
3. Get driver's license (I hate carrying my passport out to clubs just to prove my age)
4. Clean my room (carpet is slowly turning a darker shade)
5. Box unused belongings
6. Do some laundry (I've got 10 days worth of unwashed clothing piled up at a corner of my room)

I can't wait for the new year. I can't wait to see whats in store for me in the new year. Patience man, patience.

And yeah, one of my favourite old time group is back. I hope they don't disappoint. Take That is back.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Just want to wish everyone a very MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I'm just going to be frank, I have been utterly busy with work for the past couple of weeks, and since the holidays are here, I have been yet again, busy with partying and enjoying the break from work. I will 'try' to update as much as possible during the break, but no promises though.

I have been partying and committing every sin possible since Friday. Well, except killing and coveting thy neighbour's wife. Hopefully things start to mellow down in the next couple of days. I hope you all have a marvelous holiday.

All the same

I came across this video while surfing around Youtube.com. Yes, I was that bored, and hungry for new songs. I discovered this by chance though, and, the clip is totally awesome. I liked the whole concept of this video.

The song is by an Australian band called 'Sick Puppies'.

i find this, disturbing

I found 'these' items spread out on the kitchen counter this evening. I am absolutely dumbfounded at the moment. I live with two girls, and a couple. No pets, and definitely, no babies. So why the bottles? I can only imagine. They were not only baby bottles, but 'kiddy' type of bottles, the ones with cartoon characters on them, not forgetting the cover.

At this point I don't even know if I should laugh, or panic. Are one of my housemates keeping an animal in the house that I am not aware of? Or is someone here trying to raise a family? Or worse.... okayyyy... forget it. Or are they?

This is starting to creep me out.

oh.. my..gawd.. i live with retards

My house is full of retards I tell you. One couple with daily relationship problems isn't enough, but another housemate is now going through the phase with her boyfriend. One of the girls is now on the phone, with her boyfriend. Fighting, crying. Sigh. She has been like this for a couple of days now. When will it end?!

*edit*

Shit, an hour has passed, it is 3am in the morning, and the girl is still crying over the phone. Why am I complaining? Because the phone is directly outside my room. I can still hear her crying there, for more than an hour, wait..make that two!

*edit*

OMG, she just hung up the phone..and made yet ANOTHER CALL to someone else! It is bloody 4am in the morning! Don't you people sleep?!

and then, there were 5

It is official, landlord and girlfriend are now, living together. Great. More noisy day AND nights. This close proximity will only bring about more quarrels, more fights. Well, since the guy is moving in, the fuckhole better increase the internet download limit. If he keeps it at the same limit, but still charges me the same amount, I'm seriously going to fuck him. Well, not in that direct sense. I'm definitely not gonna pay so he can suck up the download bytes. And since the new girl moved in, there has been yet another person sucking on the internet. When there were only 3 people using the net, I paid $20 a month. Lets see if he still charges me the same when I pay the next rent. If he does, I'm seriously going to have to ask him to show me the records and bills. I'm not paying no shit till he actually shows me what I'm actually paying for. Gawd only knows how much EXTRA I'm paying him at the moment.

I'm also going to have to see the electricity bill. It is getting close to summer, so the days are getting really really hot. And, I know that the bitch switches on the air-conditioning whenever nobody else is at home. She does this when nobody is at home, but right before any one us, the other housemates return, she always switches it off. I'm waiting to see if he does charge us for the use as well. This is the beginning of a new, healthy relationship. Gawd, I can't wait to move out.

kitchen conversations

Business was slow at the restaurant today. It was very, very relaxed. So what do people do when they're not busy preparing meals, taking orders, or waiting on diners? They muck around, and most of the time, they gossip. Well, gossip isn't the appropriate word to use, it was more like, an exchange of information. Advice, opinions, whatever. Topic of the day? Sex.

And as usual, I was the center of attention. I was the youngest, un-married bloke around the kitchen, the most obvious victim to pick on. Conversations revolved around the opinions of girth, circumference, lenght, prolonging, caucasians, asians, rubber bands (oh my gawd), and the rest, I'll just leave it to your imagination.

I later learnt that boss-head-waiter's girlfriend was Miss Malaysia 2002. No wonder she looked awfully familiar the first time I met her. So further conversation and gossip shifted from the usual victim, to boss-head-waiter. The married chefs took turns harassing him about the whole affair, how'd he manage to pull it off, how does she look like, figure, all things imaginable. Because the chefs were quite new, none of them have seen her before, except the few of us who have been there since the opening of the restaurant. Only thing is, boss-head-waiter is shorter than his girlfriend ex-model-ex-miss-malaysia, by a few inches. So how did he pull it off? Hrmm... I will have to remember to ask him that the next time I see him. Interesting. Whats his secret I wonder?

trying something new

I got bored today, so I tried something new with Photoshop.

As you can see, I had loads of spare time on my hands.

Still, its a working progress.

hello?

Since I've installed Skype onto my laptop, I have been getting non-stop random people messaging and calling me on Skype. I get at least two random people a week, and it is starting to get bothersome. I use Skype to talk to family and friends, a means to stay in touch with people whom I know, for free. I definitely didn't sign up for 'xxx-chat', or 'Skypester', so what the hell??

I'm just going to bitch and rant here, I'm sooo annoyed right now, I can't seem to focus and study. I was busy studying ten minutes ago while listening to some easy listening music, then I get this ringing sound from Skype. It seriously messed up my concentration, so I checked to see who it was. Dumbfounded, the call wasn't from anyone on my list, it came from someone all the way from China (omg why does it ALWAYS have to be from China?!). I clicked cancel, and then proceeded to continue on whatever I was doing. A few seconds later, the same annoying sound pierced through the music, hence disrupting my concentration yet again, and fueled my boiling anger and annoyance. This time, she was sending messages through Skype. oh... my.... gawd.

This girl, obviously, isn't going to give up without a fight. So I politely typed

'hello, who are you?'
'a girl, how do you do?'
'I'm fine thanks, do i know you?'
'no i dont think, but i can intro'
'...........'
'i from china. r u from australia?'
'look. i don't chat to random strangers, and i dont appreciate it if people were to randomly call me on Skype, so, i'm sorry but the conversation ends here'
'u sure? i feel so pity'
*omg, a desperate case here*
'yes goodbye'
'but i want make friends'
'!!!! f**k off mate! this aint no s**-chat-site or watever, go bugger off!'

So I made a quick getaway by hitting the cancel button, and completely blocked any further messages from the person. Gawd, stubborn AND annoying.

Another weird thing happened to me yesterday while at work. One of the bosses, boss-head-waitor had asked me if I was single, and if I would mind if he introduced me to someone. That seriously caught me off guard. Damn, another weird and odd situation to be in. He was in-charge of waitstaff, so I'm guessing its one of the waitresses, which means I'm faced with a dilemma. First of all, I'm not attracted to 'any' of the waitresses there, they just aren't my type. Second, gosh, why did the boss have to intervene? I was tensed as hell. I seriously didn't know what to say, but thank gawd lady-boss-head-chef arrived to the rescue, cutting me off from any further conversation from boss-head-waitor. Phew, what a relief.

I later found out from boss-head-waitor that it is 'someone' amongst his waitresses, which only proved me right. Thats all the information I got, he didn't want to continue any further, and said that he will tell me about it some other time. Haha, I am probably guessing that he still wasn't sure what he was actually doing, playing cupid or matchmaker perhaps?

Its three in the am

And what am I doing? Busy surfing the net, and bloggin. BLOGGIN! OMFG. Dude, you should keep a hold of yourself! It took me an hour to read through 50 pages of text notes, man I'm slow. An hour is how long my mind can focus, before wandering off to other unproductive things.

Ok, I shall make it short. Study for another hour, before hitting the sack. Then up again in 4 hours to return books to the library, before they start charging me for late returns. Dammit, so far all the subjects that I've taken only have textbooks and reading materials in the 'reserved section'. Meaning I can only borrow them for 3 hours at a time during open hours, and if I want to loan them for the night, I can only loan them after 8pm, and return them the next day at 9am. Sheesshh...

Ok, books here I come.

5% free exam marks

Today one of our economics lecturer was offering students 5% free exam marks for the finals. How awesome is that? As an economics student, I know that 'nothing' comes for free. The free 5% marks obviously comes with a catch, and the catch was, that we beat him at push-ups. The guys had to beat him fair and square, while the girls had only to do 50% better than him. Good bargain don't you think?

At first glance you'd think that "oh, thats easy". The lecturer was probably in his forties, with greys and all, so then why push-ups? Maybe a math or problem solving quiz, but push-ups? Everybody in the lecture room had doubts about the challenge. Could this old, economics lecturer be an exercise maniac? A push-up freak perhaps? Maybe not, but since it is 5% marks on top of the finals, a handful of us took up his challenge. 5% is actually quite alot considering that this is one of the more challenging subjects so far, I really needed that 5%!

So, a handful of us went in front of the whole lecture, got down and did push-ups in front of the entire class. Yes, I went down there too. The last time I did push-ups, probably 7 years ago? I could manage a 40. Time to see if I still had it in me. With all my strenght, I still managed a 40, before my hands started to tremble and shake. Damn. Only 40? But before giving up, I still managed to pull and extra 12 before collapsing onto the floor, making it a 52, just to be 'safe'. Alot of the other guys managed to get past 60. Bastards. WayyYYyy safe if you ask me, but is it?

After all the students had done their round, it was the lecturer's turn to do push-ups. He got down, and everyone in the theater was cheering him on. Dammit, why cheer for him when some of us are challenging him for the 5 marks?? Idiots.

So the lecturer did push-ups. 30.. 40.......45... Shit, cutting it close don't you think? 50.....DAMMIT STOP! 51.. damn...52....there goes the effort... 55... omg the man is a monster...60... after pulling all his strenght, he stopped at 66.

66!! The old bugger did 66 push-ups at one go! Only 3 students managed to get more than 66. Lucky bastards. All my effort for naught. Later that day, I heard that the lecturer had also offered the other lecture stream the same challenge, only one student stood up to the challenge and managed a 50. Lecturer did only 57. NoooOoo! I should have attended that lecture and probably force myself to go as far as possible. Maybe I would have had a better chance, or maybe not. Doing push-ups back to back would probably be too tiring for me. I probably would only be able to pull a 30. *sigh*. Weakling.

After all that hoo haa, I'm back in my room, studying the night away. Damn push-ups.

That is just nasty

Yet again, I had managed to do the impossible. I woke up this morning, half an hour too late. So naturally, I rushed my morning, or whatever is left of it, to have a shower, grab some breakfast, run five hundred metres, in the rain, and catch the bus to work. Miraculously, I managed to do it all in just 30 minutes(who am I to complain? 30 minutes was ALL I had to spare!).

I managed to arrive at work on time, so it wasn't that bad. Within an hour at work, I blundered, again. I was dicing potatoes, and the potato slipped, which made me take out my left finger. *Ouch*


We all know potatoes are definitely a tougher bunch to dice compared to tomatoes, so imagine all that pressure I had on the knife while I was dicing away, totally ignorant of the fact that my left hand was busy struggling to hold onto the slippery potato. *sigh*

I sometimes hate myself for being careless in these kind of situations. Not only did I have to take a fifteen minute break to stop the bleeding, I nearly even blacked-out from the pain. Notice I used the word 'nearly'.

I was absolutely fine when I washed the gash with antiseptic, and covered it up with a plaster to stop the bleeding. Only when I was about, to walk towards a chair, that everything started to go blurry and my vision started to go black. My eyes were wide open, but I couldn't see anything. That, was seriously the pits for me. I got a little bit light-headed, and I felt as if the world was spinning. Fark.

Thank gawd someone was close by, noticed something was wrong, and helped me towards the chair. The moment I sat down, my vision started to come back, and my head stopped spinning.

......

What the hell was that for??! I should have fainted! It would have been my first experience, fainting. I had always wondered what it would feel like to faint. You know, go through the whole black-out and faint scenario, then wake up totally oblivious to whatever that had happened. I wonder how it would have felt like. Like taking a nap perhaps? Now I will never know. Thanks alot, whoever you are. You just robbed me my first 'fainting' experience. *grumble*

Totally awesome video clip. It totally blew my mind right at the 1st minute. If you have a really really weak heart, don't click on the video.

And those who think that they are still underage, a DEFINITE NO. Enjoy.

Benny Benassi - Who's your daddy?

69babes46

I'm just trying to post pictures using Flickr.com.
Looks like everything is working just fine. Don't give me that look, I am new at this. Stop laughing!

Can’t wait..

for one of these babies to come out.

I have been surfing the net, hunting for news on the PS3, Wii, and Xbox 360, trying to find out which of these three boxes I should get. The battle between these three monsters seems close, after reading loads of reviews I still can’t decide. A lot of the weight seems to tilt towards the PS3, after all, I have been a religious supporter of the Sony Playstation empire, having purchased both the PS and PS2. But I am still undecided. *sigh*

Another tech gadget that got my attention is the Nokia 95.

Damn, this mobile phone looks absolutely marvellous!

I actually had my eyes set on the Nokia N80 for quite some time now, and was already planning on getting it, but then Nokia HAD to come up with something much better, and spoil my plans.

The Nokia 95 will only be due out next quarter of 2007, which is helluva long time to wait. Why can’t I have it now? *drops to floor and throws a tantrum like a 5 year old boy*

Actually I wouldn't mind settling for the Nokia N73 either......Gawd, I'm so fickle minded.

Now, all I can do is wait.

Good day.. or bad?

A warning to children, if you are reading please avert your eyes NOW and skip everything you see till you come to a new break in the paragraph. OH MY F***ING GAWD WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN EVERY SINGLE F***ING DAY?!! I can nevereverF***INGgetadecentconnection dot com whenever I want it!! Well, connection to Skype is perfectly fine, but what is the F***ing good of having Skype on but not MSN messenger or Internet Explorer or even Firefox?! I can’t blardy hell check my mails, so what good is the internet?! It is not as if I’m getting it for free, hell, I’m paying for the blardy thing and it is getting really frustrating waiting everyday just for that blardy 2 minutes of ‘perfect, uninterrupted’ connection, which only allows me to key in and login into yahoo!mail and then have it hang even before I can enter into my inbox. Wait, I take that back. Less than 1 MINUTE to be precise. #$@%$^&&@!!!

Okay, the quiet, shy and handsome*ahem* part of me is back.

Today I woke up to the sound of my mobile phone ringing. I definitely remember not setting an alarm for today (Saturday) since I will not be working or going out, so as usual, I grumbled and cursed. You see, I kind of slept late last night watching stuff on my laptop thinking that I’d have nothing important to wake up to the next day anyway. It was from a private number, but to my dismay, it was just from the restaurant (just as a reminder, I work casual at a restaurant). I was desperately needed tonight because one of the usuals had called in sick and there wasn’t anyone else that could be contacted in such short notice, and considering that it is Saturday, dinner is always hectic and packed. They needed extra help. So I said yes, reluctantly.

I got up, headed upstairs to take a shower. And guess what? The Biatch walked in when I was drying myself. *shrieks in horror*

The worst part about it was that I didn’t notice that she had walked in! I only realised it when she had already opened the door and screamed! I still can’t figure out how she could not have realised that someone was in the bathroom having a shower. She walked in at the precise moment I had turned off the shower. Couldn’t she hear the shower running the second before? Or hear me open the shower compartment door? Deaf biatch. Even the lights were switched on! I usually wouldn’t have cared, but of all people to see me in all my glory, it HAD, to be The Biatch.

At work, I got a few deep cuts on my hands from broken pieces of plates. I got it while digging into the sink trying to clear the drainage because it was clogged with something, something I later found out. By the end of the night, I had earned myself an extra two hours worth of work in tips. Isn’t that just fabulous? Damn, I sound so gay using that word, no offence.

And yeah, today I had also witnessed a bastard child Chinese lunatic driver (no I’m not racist, I’m just stating a fact) drive fast and recklessly in the university parking lot. The idiot was making his way towards the exit by driving through empty parking lots (it was a Saturday, there were loads of empty parking lots), but at the last turn, he had nearly driven straight at a wall partition. Instead, he swerved and hit a parked stationary car. Instead of getting out of his car to look at the damage, he made a quick getaway. The bastard. The damage was quite bad, his front left signal lights and bumper (headlights included) had totally caved in. His front bumper was hanging low, threatening to fall off, but worse, the car which became victim to his recklessness was a Mercedes. The driver’s door had a massive dent, and there were a ton load of scratches and scrapings all along the side of the car to the front. It was a disheartening sight. Surprisingly the car alarm hadn’t gone off, so no one was alerted to the scene.

Sigh, hit and run cases.

Oh..my….

Dammit, I am officially hooked on this particular video clip. I can’t stop playing it over, and over, and over again on my laptop. Is it completely normal? Please, can someone agree with me that this video is absolutely addictive? I wish I had an I-pod. I’d be playing that video clip over and over and over till my eyes drop out. The video is hot (I think I’ve already mentioned that thousands of times already), the beat is kind of catchy, but the lyrics… erm. Most guys would disagree with the message, but what the heck? Pussycat Dolls absolutely rock! If they were going to have a concert over here is Sydney, I’d definitely get myself some tickets. I hear they are an awesome crowd pleaser, and in clubs the ladies simply go crazy when they play anything by the PSD. I can only IMAGINE how it would be like at one of their concerts. *Grins*

Pussycat Dolls - I Dont Need A Man video

Feeling fidgety

I can’t keep still. I feel as if I am on Amphetamine (I wonder how that would feel like? I can only imagine).

I am in such a mess.

I take, naps, 4-5 hours a day.

Whenever I’m home, I get restless.

I feel…

lonely.

Sigh.

I only feel like this whenever I’m at home. The Indian couple is moving out next week, so is the girl in the master room. Master room girl says that the landlord is charging her too much, so she will be moving. Indian couple are moving because, they had a massive fight with the landlord’s girlfriend the other day. So they were given two weeks to find a new place to stay. In other words, they got booted out. The tribe has spoken.

And guess what the big fight was about. You will NEVER guess what. *drum roll*. Washing powder.

Surprised? Well, I was!

Landlord’s mistress claims that Indian couple had been stealing her washing powder. Something Indian couple valiantly denied, so they got into a heated quarrel over it. I wasn’t foolish enough to intervene, or offer any assistance. How did mistress come to the conclusion that Indian couple were occasionally stealing her washing powder? I have no idea. She claims that she had laid certain traps. Safe-guarding her precious $2 dollar box of 2kg washing powder. She claims that she had noticed the irregularity after Indian couple had used the washing room, putting the blame on them. Long story.

So next week, I will be living with 3 new housemates. And guess where they are from? Come on, take a guess.

Sigh. I’m going to be very, very lonely. Apparently their English is close to none. When they came over to have a look at the rooms, they were conversing in Mandarin the whole entire time! When they saw me, they said hi. We exchanged pleasantries, the usual. But after exchanging ‘hi’s and ‘hello’s, everything just sounded like gibberish to me. They couldn’t converse in English that well. Great. Every word was a struggle. I simply gave up after the first few exchanges. I got frustrated. What the fuck man.

It is getting really really lame, and annoying. I can’t wait to get my own crib. Then I’d get to choose who I live with. Only rent out to sexy hot whites. *Grins*

Call me shallow minded, I don’t give a damn! I’d rather have sexy hot ladies prancing around the house wearing skimpy tops and hot pants, or in nothing but their undies. I’d have no problems with that. But who am I fooling? The probability of that happening is probably one in a hundred, but not impossible.

Looks like I’m beginning to utter nothing but nonsense. I am just feeling frustrated right now. I can’t think straight. It is really depressing. I can’t wait to move out.

I should probably stop here. Be back when I am feeling much better.

QUICK! Newspaper!

That was what I thought when I saw it scramble across the floor. It was half the size of a cigarette box and moving really fast. I have never seen anything that huge before! Thank gawd there were sheets of paper lying around, I quickly rolled it up and started whacking the thing. Missing most of the time, but my sudden bursts of attack probably frightened the poor fella because it took flight and tried to hide under my bag.

As usual, my room was in a total mess. Books, clothes, paper, magazines, you name it. All were scattered in a mess on the floor, plenty of hiding space for it to hide. So I quickly took the bag and tossed it into an empty corner, giving no opportunity for it to hide. I frantically tried searching the whole kitchen for insect spray to kill it with, but to my dismay, couldn’t find anything I could use, so I took the next best thing.

Yes… it was the ONLY thing within reach. I kinda figured that if this thing is used to kill odour and germs, why not? Spiders are bugs; they probably carry germs… maybe, but oh well, might as well try. If it didn’t work out, I could always go back to killing it with a rolled up newspaper anyway.

So I cornered the fella, and sprayed away! And guess what? It DID die! Imagine that? I wasn’t sure if it died because of the poison, or because I overdid it. It was hard to tell, but just to be safe, I squashed it with the end of a rolled up newspaper as well. I wouldn’t want that thing crawling about anywhere near me, while I sleep. Imagine something as big as that crawling on your face while you sleep. Bleugh..

*damn can't post up the photos...connection bad. will do it when the connection speeds up.

(OMG omg) X ∞

I bumped into a previous housemate at university today. I noticed that she was so SOOOooooOoo thrilled to see me (usually I don’t get those kinda reactions unless one is totally plastered and stoned), which was odd. Instead of the “Hi, how are you going, how is uni, where are you living now, what have you been doing”, she asked me a totally unexpected question.

“Hey, did you make a police report recently?”

I was baffled. You should have seen my stoned, wide-eyed and confused face when I stared back at her. I was totally not expecting that kind of a question. I don’t remember making a police report of any kind, nor do I remember breaking any laws, well, none that I know of anyway. She looked back at me, looking puzzled when I didn’t reply. Still looking puzzled, she continued

“Oh, looks like you’ve no idea what I’m talking about do you? The coppers came by the house the other day looking for you.”

*Fark, what did I do that would make the coppers drop by my last place of stay? I shivered, this doesn’t sound good at all.*

“Oh no worries, they were just looking for you because they found your PASSPORT!”

MY PASSPORT?!?!

Omg, I was totally shocked and lost for words. I definitely didn’t make any report, and to my knowledge, I don’t even remember losing my passport in the first place. Shit, this is bad. I didn’t even REALISE that my passport was missing.

My friend assured me that everything is fine, no need to panic, the passport is in the safe hands of the police. Great, just great. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that my passport is safe in the hands of the law, but but… how did I lose my passport in the first place is beyond me. Losing it isn’t the problem, but not even realising it? Come on, I should be hanged! Burnt at the stake! Stripped or even stoned to death! Or circumcised even, oh wait, already done that. =)

But gosh, I feel so retarded. Now I’ve got to take the walk of shame, there is definitely going to be a helluva lot of hassle in explaining myself when I get to the station in the city, because that is where the passport is at at the moment. What am I going to say? I had lost my passport but hadn’t realised it until you coppers came looking for me? This is the pits I tell you. I feel so ashamed and stupid right now. Leave me be. I want to crouch into the little corner of my room and just die. I should probably cover my head with a paper bag when I go to collect the damn thing.

……………………………….. What am I saying? It is not the end of the world! It is not like I lost my virginity, again. I only found my passport, no biggie (I can’t say I lost it because, well, I didn’t really lose it in the first place, or rather hadn’t realised that it was missing till the coppers came looking, and said that they’ve found it, somewhere, and was looking for me so that I could pick it up, so in actual fact it sounds more like I’ve actually found my passport because the found was realised even before I knew I had lost it …. Shit, I’m not making any sense). I’m probably trying to console myself for my lack of responsibility. In any case, everything is good.

Goodbye..

It was a very difficult decision to make. I struggled to find reasons to hold on, but couldn’t think of any other alternatives. Believe me, I hadn’t slept for almost 24hrs now, my eyes are hurting, but I think it is for the better.

All the pain, the frustration, and the hard work. Would I live to regret this? I doubt it. All the time wasted and patience? Was it all worth it? I kept asking myself these questions over and over again. And still, my conscience kept saying that yes, this is definitely for the better.

I’m tired, I want to sleep. I can’t. I have work in 3 hours time, and I can’t take that risk. So here I am, being totally miserable. Still thinking if I should, or shouldn’t. I hate choices, but life unfortunately, is full of them. I can’t burden another with this dilemma. It is mine, and mine alone to make.

I’m still thinking. Gosh, even now I find myself still rationalising the pros and the cons of my decision. Within the last hour, I often find myself simply staring at the keyboard, neither moving nor thinking. It hurts. My mind is a blank.

I have come to a decision. It is time, to say goodbye.

My finger pauses at the delete button, am I willing to sacrifice everything now? No matter, the deed has been done. There is no turning back now.

Goodbye. Oh sweet porn.

Did I scare you? Did I?

Some might be thinking that I’ve gone mad, but seriously. S0me might say that what I’ve done is totally unforgivable, I’m sure I might be able to point out a few whom I know.

Deleting 14GB is not something someone would take lightly. I have made the decision. I only pray that I had made the right one.

Thank you for listening, I hope you all have a pleasant day.

Holidays are here..

I think.

I am halfway through my two weeks break, but guess where am I at now?
Come on.. GUESS guess !! No, I'm not on holiday. I'm not at the beach, nor am I sitting at a cafe sipping on coffee, relaxing and reading a book. I'd pay good money to be able to do that right now.

Instead I am at the university library!! Trying to rush an assignment which is due on Wednesday! A two thousand word essay on Economic Growth in Africa. With loads of reading materials to go through. I'm so screwed. I only realised that the essay is due this coming Wednesday, only yesterday night! A grand total of two days to read up on reports, plan the essay, and type the thing up. Sigh.. Thank gawd they extended the due date till Wednesday. It was supposed to be handed in on Tuesday, but maybe someone up there likes me so he pulled some strings and wa la.

So back to work.

Ramblings

OMFG!! YOU MUST BE JOKING!

This is probably the 6^th farking time I am typing this!

The damn internet connection keeps disconnecting every 30 minutes!

And it takes another 10 minutes to re-establish a proper and secure connection. I can’t believe I am paying an extra $20 a month for this crappy connection. The whole of yesterday I couldn’t even connect to the internet and got so stressed over it because I had an exam in the morning and most of the notes are online! I had to strain myself to read 300 pages of the textbook instead, for a bloody multiple choice question exam.

*eyes bulge*

If I had connection to the internet I could have just read off the concise and simple slide notes, but NOOOoooo. Internet was ‘down’. I wasn’t crazy enough to walk into university at 2am in the morning to feed off the free wireless connection. No way, not safe and, I’d look like a lunatic. Maybe the service was down?

Or maybe there is something wrong with the landlord’s router/modem?

Or maybe the other roommates are downloading loads of stuff?

Or maybe the landlord had to reset the modem to get a better connection?

Or maybe there is really something wrong with the broadband supplier?

There are hundreds of possibilities to consider, but I think it is just the landlord’s ignorance. Whenever I get impatient I go up to his room to find out what is happening, ask him if he knows what is happening to the connection, but he always gives me that fucked up surprised expression and blurts “Oh? I check I check.”

Oh… my… gawd…

The internet connection was down for gawd knows how long, I see that his computer is switched on, he must be online as well, and doesn’t he notice it?? Or does this only happen to me? Bloody hell! I go complain to him about the internet almost constantly, sometimes I do it at least once a day, doesn’t he get annoyed? Heck, even I am annoyed at myself.

Usually after a few seconds after complaining, internet connection is back on again, running smoothly, for another few hours, two, maybe four.

*pause* Damn it! Everything stops.

It seems like the only thing I talk about is internet internet internet. Geez, the amount of times I go up to knock on his door to complain is a good indication that there is something wrong with the service and he should at least look into it or better, change provider! Why doesn’t he get the message? Oh wait, I forgot. He is a useless son0fabitch.

No matter how many times I complain, he doesn’t do a thing. It is like I am complaining to a brick wall. And when I question the girlfriend, she too gives me that blank, stupid expression, and tells me that she herself has no idea. Great. The perfect couple. The both of them are utterly stupid and useless. Only thing they seem to be good at is quarrel.

They just had a row in the bathroom. Yes! Both of them! In the bathroom! They were shouting at each other for a good 30 minutes, locked in the bathroom. What the heck were they doing fighting in the bathroom anyway? I was busy minding my own business listening to music while the Indian couple were watching down in the hall. I just got up to take a bottle of water from the kitchen and then heard very loud shouting coming from somewhere. At first I thought it was the next-door neighbours. It was that loud. Then the housemates told me that it was the landlord and his girlfriend. I was surprised.

This was the first time I’ve heard them go at each other like this. It used to be civilised. This seemed to sound as if they were about to start punching and get physical. Man, if I were one of the persons in that quarrel, I’d already be punching and hitting. It was that bad. And I was told that it had been going on for a good 30 minutes already. I was actually getting worried that it might end badly. It was like one of those movie scenes where you see a married couple quarrelling and fighting about something, and then someone often gets killed in the process. Laugh out loud.

Anyway, it ended soon enough and the night was quite again. Indian couple finally retired to bed, and I went back to surfing the net, only to find that my internet connection had been disconnected again. So here I am, typing in Microsoft Word. Praying and hoping that the internet comes back on again. This is the seventh time I got disconnected within 3 hours. This time it is taking more than just 10 minutes. 40 minutes and counting…

*edit*

GREAT! Two fucking hours and the internet is still not back on! I have waited long enough and am now going to bed! I will probably post this up later in the day. Hopefully the connection frees up by then. If not I will definitely have that talk with the landlord. I’m not paying no fucking fees for this shit. He can stuff it up his arse for all I care.

This is too much.

I dont understand some people

I still don't understand my housemates. Remember the other day I was talking about the indian couple?

I know, I know.
You probably don't want to hear anything else about them,
but ... but ...
I just can't help it!!

They are starting to get on my nerves!
I know, you guys are still young, your sex drives are at its peak(well, of course they are, you are in your mid-late twenties, or maybe early thirties?), you guys just want to get it on as MANY times as you possibly can
BUT GUYS!! Could you please do it in the privacy of your own room??! For gawd sakes I'm not deaf! I can hear you go bump from where I am sitting right now! At the back of the house, where I am desperately trying to concentrate on my work!

Gosh, even the television isn't helping, you guys can still be heard! Incase you are wondering, they are at it right at this very moment. That is why I am typing this post. They are in the living room, on the coach, under a blanket, in front of the box, watching a hindi movie, with the lights switched off. *rolls eyes*

I can hear her moans, and I can hear his grunts. Even with the hindi movie still running I can still hear them. It is definitely not a bj, or a md. It is the full-on. You'd know how it sounds like. *ahem* It is horrible I tell you. I am thinking of just walking out to the kitchen, switch on the lights and act as if I am getting some supper, and disrupt their little activity, or maybe just to shock them and see how they react/cover. It might be very entertaining to see.

.......................................................

Damn, too late. It seems the guy has finished. A little too early I think. It barely started a few minutes ago. I'm totally disappointed. He didn't even last 10 minutes. Pfft.. How do I know, you ask? I heard it. The climax. And why do I think it happened? I heard that last whimper, and suddenly everything went quiet, and because the guy just went up to the bathroom. I can hear the shower and tap running. Too short for a shower. He must be washing up. Gawd, use a towel why don't cha? Or use the blanket you guys use for cover. You're making it look so obvious that you just had a spill. *rolls eyes*

What a totally wasted opportunity! I was thinking of surprising them just now, and it would be right at the time that he was about to cum! That would be sooooo, wicked! And it probably would have taught them a lesson. Sigh. Darnit.

OK, change of topic. I just realised that I have got young eyes reading this blog. Wait, I correct myself. Innocent eyes. *grins*

I just got back from the cinemas. Watched SILENT HILL and LADY IN THE WATER. Back to back mind you. I preferred Lady in the water. It had much more of a story compared to Silent Hill. Of course it was. M Night Shyamalan y'll! I totally dig his movies. Yet another totally original story. You guys should go watch it!

Alright, back to work now. Peace and quiet. Or maybe some porn! That would be good!

No no, none of that. Just thinking about them or worse, imagining them at it just gives me the shivers. I can feel my hair stand on ends. *puke*

Work it is. And no! To those who know me, I swear that I am not up to no good. I swear that I am just hitting the books, nothing else. Peace and out.

I hate it

when it rains.

It has been raining for days now, and I am still waiting for my clothes to dry.
And worse, I've still got a whole load of clothes now waiting to be washed and dried. Due to the awful rain, I often arrive home wet. It rains when you don't want it to, and stops for only 1 or two hours in between. It always stops when I leave the house, but continues to pour when I'm out, whether I am at university, or just hanging around the shopping centre. I can never escape it.

It is now 3 a.m. in the morning, I just got my MSN messenger to work, thanks to the infamous Buttshak3r. I'm just joking about the infamous bit, but he is the Buttshak3r. I still don't have a clue as to where he got that nickname from. It took me ages to figure out why MSN was acting the way it was, and had totally given up. I hadn't the opportunity to surf online for a fix, as my internet connection was ALSO acting up and it took me the whole damn day waiting for the connection to speed up. All this I give credit to my utterly useless landlord. Crappy service.

Oh and by the way, today was the first time I witnessed my housemates quarrel. Not between the couples, but between each other. The landlord's girlfriend had made a big fuss about duties this week and the last. The indian couple were on duty during those weeks and she wasn't too happy about the work. I tell you, the landlord's girlfriend is crazy. She keeps on insisting that the toilet isn't clean. For gawd sakes woman! You only specified that we need clean the toilet once a week, and of course after a few days there would be strands of hair on the floor. Not mine mind you, I don't use that bathroom anyway (I've got my own personal one). So the indian couple became the only victims. They had a row I tell you. It was the first time she totally blew her top at the housemates, usually the boyfriend gets it.

Maybe she just totally lost it because she had lost her mobile the other day. She claims that she left it on the stairs leading to the first floor and now she can't find it. OMG woman! Who leaves their mobile on the flight of stairs anyway?! I can totally understand if you left it on the coach, or the kitchen counter, or the dining table, or maybe on the television, but the stairs?? She obviously couldn't hold me accountable because I live on the first floor. There was no reason for me to use the stairs to get up to the second floor anyway. Just so you know, I didn't take/steal her mobile, though I wish that I had. I could maybe sell it and get back the cash I dropped the other day. Wouldn't that be awesome? Gosh, it is late. I don't have the mood to edit/correct mistakes so I'm just going to post this entry up and pray that I hadn't made any errors.

Sometimes,

you just want to hide in your room.
Lock yourself in, away from the trouble, away from the evil world.

Have you ever woken up, and just felt awful? You wake to the pitter patter of rain against your window. Great. It is still raining. You hurry to get dressed and prepare for classes. There isn't enough time to have breakfast, let alone prepare something for lunch. You think of getting brunch in between classes, and you are out the door. The rain has subsided a little bit. You don't bother using an umbrella, and dash to uni.

You've got a two hour lecture, a tutorial, and another lecture to finish off the day. With no breaks in between. Just perfect, at least you've got more time to snooze the night away before tackling the books. So you attend the two hour lecture, hoping that the lecturer finishes early so that you may have some time to get something to eat in between. But no, he decides to use up every single second he has with you. Probably trying to cram everything in before we all go on our two weeks break. For most of us, we will be using up half that break working, and then the remainder travelling, catching up with studies, or just taking a breather from all the studying. Something a student looks forward to after all the rushing to meet assignment deadlines and cramming for mid-semester exams. I am definitely looking forward to it.

So the lecture ends. No time to waste. You dash to the cafeteria, you decide to get a sandwich. You open your wallet, great. Empty. Another minute wasted there and then. You rush to the automated teller machine. There is a line. Why must there always be a line whenever you need to rush? You wait impatiently for your turn. You battle with your conscience about how much money to withdraw in order to sustain yourself for the week. You remember that you have collected some money previously which belongs to the club which you belong to, and will be meeting up with them later. So you decide to take that out and at the same time free yourself of any other obligations. You look at your watch, your five minute window is almost up. There isn't enought time to get lunch now. You curse quietly at the people in front of you messing about at the ATM. It is finally your turn. You key in $---. As you are waiting to receive the cash, the rain gets heavier. Damn, not only will you not be getting any lunch for yourself, the rain just got heavier and your class is at the other end of the campus. The cash 'gushes' out, you count them, stash it into your pocket, and dash to class. You avoid puddles, and the endless jungle of umbrella claded students. All transitioning between classes.

You reach the class in time, but hadn't any food, and got wet in the process. Sigh. You take a seat and hope that the day takes a turn for the better. What else could go wrong? You've just survived the nightmare.

After another two hours of classes, you're finally done for the day. You go to the gym for training and probably a good game on the courts. You head for the lockers, change into gym attire. Then THE WORST happens.

You're thinking 'what possible worse situation' could I get myself into?

What could make the above described day sound like nothing more than a small price to pay for a better day? Well, you're wrong. My string of bad luck just refused to give in.

I checked my pockets, only to find that the cash I just withdrew earlier in the day, had disappeared. *smacks self* Blardy awesome isn't it? Just when you think that your luck is starting to turn. You find yourself in a much deeper hole. You feel like screaming. You retrace your steps, but find nothing. No luck. To even think about the possibility is insane. You are in the middle of university. Thousands of students walk about the place. You just have to accept defeat and suck it all in. You may have dropped it while rushing in between classes, in the middle of the rain.

It would be a wasted effort if you were to try seaching for it now, but you try anyway. Hoping that luck may still turn. After a few rounds, you give up. You accept. I was foolish for not taking extra precautions, or being more careful, but what can I say? It was one of those days. You fall, you get up, you learn. And pray blardy hard that you NEVER make the same mistake again.

I now think back to what I said about students using half their break to work and then take a breather for travelling or just lazing about. I now think I have to work both weeks away. Sigh. I totally regret what happened today. I totally detest myself for it. I lost something. Something I've never done before.

But don't worry. I am fine. I have decided to make this a lesson learnt. Swearing to myself to never make this kind of mistake again. I just have to work my way out of this mess. Something I am totally capable of accomplishing. I just needed to rant about it. Let it out. If not I'd go crazy and beat myself up about it for weeks, months. I need to refocus myself.

I now look forward to finding a good paying job to help me get back on track. I hope I find one soon though. Because the place where I am working at now pays me in peanuts. And they don't give me enough work to begin with. Sigh. What a day, what a day.

Long overdue

I bet some of you are already sick and tired of me talking about other people besides myself. Time for me to come out of the closet and write about me, myself, my life. For a change. I is about time I stop with all the anonymity. You think?

I will post up some photos of what I have been doing during the past few months. Yes, months. That is why I said that it was loooooong overdue.

Here are some pictures of Eastern University Games held in Coffs Harbour back in July.






Our Captain.. Hail the AMERICAN!

Bernie from Germany.
He was our Captain in 2005.
Awesome dude.

Thomas also hails from Germany.

Masato Asada.
Guess where is he from?
*rolls eyes*
He was our setter.

Jake on his left, and coach Pat.

Party pics up next. We partied pretty much 5 out of the 6 nights there. It was awesome. I miss going out for parties. It is such a pity that this semester I won't be participating in the Australian University Games in Adelaide. They aren't sending a womens team this year as there arent enough players to participate. A waste really.

Here we have Rita and Thomas. Party animal. Purrr...













Jake, Rita and Faus. Another hottie on the womens team.

Masato, Thomas, Hiro, and Bernie.

Evelyn and Kat.
Evelyn is from Switzerland.
Kat is Australian.







Gawd. It took me about an hour to upload these pictures. *rolls eyes*
I have been getting really bad internet connection here at my new place. My landlord gives us crappy service. I will try to update when I've got better connection.

Over and out!

*edit*

More pics here!!

Here we are on the bus headed out to the party.
Rita, Evelyn, Faus and Alide.











Just a random pic of Bernie muckin around.

Rita here. Party girl looks tired, no?













Sign me sign me! Asks some random girl. Alide kindly obliges. I would say that there wasn't enough exposed skin to go around. She was pretty much covered up.







After a nights out partying, most of the team came home to this. Yes, he claims that he was sick and so hadn't partied much. I think it was more of the breakup, but shouldn't he be partying then? Get himself a rebound? I had no idea.

What a poser. Haha. This guy always does the funniest things.











Grrrr... Early morning grumpiness. A huh.
=)

Couple Fights

Incase you've forgotten, I live in a house with an Indian couple, a girl from Hong Kong, and the landlord's girlfriend, who by the way also hails from Hong Kong, or maybe from China? I don't know. I don't fuggin care anyway. But I have a feeling that she and the landlord are from China. They speak Mandarin ALL the time, and we all know most Hongkies don't speak Mandarin. So lets just label them hailing from China ok? Well, in other words, the landlord comes over ever so often that it feels as if he practically lives here as well. *sigh*

One thing I cannot stand, is couple fights. They get rowdy, fierce, and the shouting and quarrelling often gets out of hand. That is what I have to endure when the landlord comes over for dinner or for the night. I see it so often that I sometimes think to myself why the hell is this couple still, a couple. They get under each other's skin as often as a person changes his or her underwear. And I mean a normal person. Not one of those weird ones you meet who only change them once every few days. Eu..

Okay back to the plot. To make things worse, you all know how they are like when they speak. Loud LOUD loud LOUD. Even a normal conversation sounds like they are about to eat each other up. So imagine when they are REALLY fighting. Yeah exactly, much worse.

They only just started a row with each other, over cooking dinner. Can you believe it? The moment they came in through the front door, sat down in front of the television, prepared the ingredients to cook dinner, and started boiling the water, they are already at each other's throats. Obviously the prospect of being in the same room together made them feel like smacking each other. I cannot, believe this. Even before dinner. What, Dah, Fark?

They have just entered their room. Both being stubborn and not wanting to admit fault. They will probably eat dinner quietly and not pay attention to each other. The guy probably wouldn't apologise and there definitely wouldn't be any 'after fight sex'. Nah, impossible. This guy? No way. After observing the guy for nearly two months now, I can confidently vouch that this guy is a total pussy. A total pushover. And the girl? Total biacth. Well, that is what everyone else in the house think anyway. The Indian couple and the Hongkie girl made their opinions of her perfectly clear to me only after two weeks of living here. What a way to meet new housemates.

Ok, now the chinese couple are having dinner. And I was totally wrong about my prediction about them having a quiet meal together. They obviously haven't settled whatever they were fighting about before dinner, and now have begun quarrelling all over again. Great. And she seems to be winning the battle because she seems to be the loudest between the two and she seems to be the one doing all the talking. While boyfriend sits there with his head down staring at his plate. Definitely no sex tonight. Not like he ever has any anyway. I would know.

But if Indian couple were to fight over something during the night. There would definitely be after quarrel sex. THIS, I know.

Nausea

That is what I felt mid-way through a movie at the cinema.

This is how I felt watching 'United 93'.

I shamelessly walked out of the cinema 1 hour into the movie. Just when the terrorists were about to hijack the plane, United 93. I would have stayed on to watch, and probably save my 9 dollars worth, but I couldn't hang on anymore. My head was spinning, my insides were churning, it wasn't a pretty feeling. And what worse, I just had to give up right at the part where it got interesting, the hijack. Everybody was being sucked in by the atmosphere on the plane, while I had to take the walk of shame all the way from the back of the cinema, up till the side entrance where the big ole EXIT sign was.

Once free, I quickly dashed to the mens and quietly deposited whatever I had for lunch into the toilet. Am I that weak? I hadn't experienced motion sickness on a real plane before, let alone a boat out on water. But this??! I'm lost for words. If it was on a smaller screen then maybe I could have been able to stomach it. Just to let you know, the director took on a different approach in capturing the picture. Instead of the still and focused picture you normally get in the movies, this movie is shot as if taken by a person in the movie. Something like making your own home-made movie, with the shaky hands and all that. Not to mention the never-ending back and forth switching of scenes, plus shaky hands, a full proof recipe for causing nausea or motion-sickness. Well, in my opinion anyway. Or maybe I'm just being a wuss. You be the judge. Watch the movie, then let me know.

I have Hobbits...

It is such a weird thing, to be living with Hobbits. They aren't exactly Hobbits, but they sure share a number of similarities. They're short, a bit 'plumpy' (alright I'm just being modest!) they look like bloated up midgets if you ask me, and can be found eating 5-6 times a day. Practically once every 1-2 hours. They have early breakfast, 11-ish breakfast, morning lunch, afternoon lunch, tea, dinner, and not to mention supper.

Gawd, I myself feel 'fat' just by looking at them eat. It is terrible and disgusting. And I have two of them. Great. Two Hobbits under the same roof. It wouldn't really bother me if they ate decent food, what I meant by that is healthy food. None of that oily, fried stuff. But who am I to complain? They are Indians. Their daily intake of food always consists of oily rice, oily potatoes, and oily veg. They practically drown all their food in oil.

Eu..!

It doesn't escape me because the smell is everywhere around the house. I practically need to leave the doors and windows opened everytime I go home, just to get rid of the awful smell.

............................
Okay enough whinging. I've used up my daily limit to rant and complain. Now on to more interesting news.

I now not only hear the moans of the female Hobbit/rabbit, but now the 'grunts' of the male Hobbit/rabbit is starting to get louder. Maybe he does that because he needs to catch his breath every few seconds. With his belly in the way, I guess the whole affair would seem like a total body workout. Hence the wheezing and heavy breathing.

Anniversary

Today marks the 5th anniversary since Dad passed away. Has it been that long already? Time sure flies. I can only imagine how it would be like to still have Dad around. Would I be here in Australia? Would he have me study in the UK? I bet you Dad had a plan for me. A path planned for me to take. Probably make it much more easier for me than it is now. I had to plan my own path when he left us. It wasn't easy, being a 'spoilt' kid and always having to ask Dad for permission, things were pretty much made easy for me. I had no worries back then, the only worry I had at that time was study. Just study hard, and leave everything else to Dad. He knows best.

Dad was the gel which kept the family together. Since Dad left, the relatives started to drift, true colours were shown. Our family just got swept under the carpet. We had a big house, we were forced to move. We had a company, we were forced to sell. None of the relatives wanted to help. They were the ones who actually forced us into it. I still hate them for it.

Thank God Mum was strong. She took charge of the family. I respect her for that. Dad was always the breadwinner of the family. Mum just worked to supplement the family. Now Mum does her best. She started a new company from scratch. She is now venturing into another business. Good on her. Sister is doing well, she may be the youngest, but she is the one already earning the $$ now to help support herself. I'm proud of her too. My brother is in the UK. Finding his own way in life. I hope he succeeds. He tries his best. We have all evolved and progressed since Dad left. I am proud of my family.

Now I only dream of how things would be like if Dad was still around. We would probably still be in the same house at the corner of High Street (direct translation of Jalan Tinggi), or maybe the whole family would have migrated to the UK. Mum mentioned that Dad had planned for us to migrate there once my brother and I graduated from high school, which was only a few months away after he left. Dad had permanent residency in the UK. He had intended to apply for the family as well, it just came too late.

If Dad didn't leave us so early, Grandma probably wouldn't have left us the way she did. Losing both Granddad and Dad one after the other in such a short span of time was devastating. Granddad was inevitable, he fell down, had a stroke, and was bed-ridden. Dad had a heart attack 2 years after. It was a big blow for Grandma. Losing a husband, and her eldest child and son. Yes, I still believe things would be different if Dad was still here. We have grown stronger since then. We've moved on. I'm sure he is watching over us right now.

But we all sure miss Dad.

Happy anniversary.